So its been 14 days since….well since everything changed. Since we experienced something that really no one should be subjected to in their lifetime. Its kind of funny, they say people cope with situations differently, apparently my coping involves ridiculous amounts of baking. And i mean ridiculous….cookies, cakes, cupcakes, red velvet cinnamon rolls. I mean if it consisted of sugar and flour i was making it!!!! My family of course loves the products of said baking…my waistband on the other hand not so much. I mean it helps, it keeps my hands busy and for a couple of hours i forget. My mind stops thinking about this evil thing that happened and all that matters is if the oven is preheated. And I’m happy, were all happy talking and laughing and just being normal. I wonder if we’ll ever get back to that…if well ever have a sense of normalcy again. I guess that where that little saying about time healing all wounds comes in. And its cheesy but right…I know that eventually well be okay, i mean there are gonna be times when it hits us and those feelings will come up and the ability to breathe seems to escape us. But we have each other for those moments, when we wanna cry or scream or just need to laugh. I’ve learned its easier to be crazy if you at least have some company. But as of today I’m choosing to not let sadness overtake my life. Im choosing happiness. and most importantly I’m choosing to live, and to love every second of these crazy adventures we call life! Because bad things are bound to happen, people are going to hurt us. But you can’t let it paralyze you….because then the bad guy wins……in the end he’ll win. And I own way to many damn disney movies to let that happen!
It’s 12 in the morning and I cannot sleep…and not in the bored or energetic way but in the heart racing, pit in your stomach, afraid to close your eyes way.
Like when your seven and lying in your bed and every creak in the floorboards and shadow on the wall is some kind of horrible monster out to get you. And there’s something under your bed and hiding in your closet and all you want is some form of light…a reassurance that everything is okay.. A protection against all the evils lurking in the shadows.
Today has been probably one of the worst days of my life. And I feel as though the world around me is falling apart and nothing will ever be the same. Because I’ve learned those shadows in the dark and those monsters hiding in the closet are real, but the thing is there not some disformed winged creature or a scary boogeyman, there people…a neighbor, a co-worker, a friend, a family member an ordinary person capable of unimaginable evil. And you hear stories in the newspaper and see it on the news, but its always somebody else’s nightmare. It’s scary and sad and horrible but you never think it would happen to you. And that’s the worst part..you never even see it coming.
Then it happens And you feel as though the earth is crumbling around you and the rugs been pulled out from under you. I can’t close my eyes and I can’t fall asleep because then ill be left in the darkness. With only the thoughts in my head, the thoughts that monsters are real…and there’s evil out there, and that someone I love has been affected by it. And I’m afraid….afraid that ill never be able to look at the world the same. Afraid that I’m always gonna be wondering if there’s monsters lurking in the shadows. I just want somebody to turn the light on…to tell me that everything’s gonna be okay. To tell me where to go from here and how we pick up the pieces….
A strong desire to travel: “a man consumed by wanderlust”.
I have never heard a word that more perfectly describes me than this…wanderlust… It’s kind of magical Don’t you think? And yes the first time I heard this word was watching a trailer for a movie with the same moniker starring Jennifer Anniston and the always handsome Paul Rudd. (Which btw I have not, nor actually have the desire to ever watch haha)
But Wikipedia so kindly spelled out the meaning and everything clicked for me…I am a man (well a woman) completely consumed by wanderlust, the need for travel, for adventure.
I am also a unemployed 20 year old and so funding these adventures might be a little challenging. But as of this moment I’ve made it my mission to fulfill this need for adventure,even if I don’t get on a plane. I mean I live in HAWAII!! Which is a great place to start…the perfect launch pad for my journey.
So this is me, I love music, reading and get way too emotionally invested in fictional tv and movie characters. I draw stuff. I bake stuff. I Have imaginary relationships with movie stars. I love to make people laugh and may have some sort of undiagnosed mental illness…but I’m happy, and most importantly forever “consumed”